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 Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!

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Gelert
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PostSubject: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Sat Sep 18, 2010 7:39 pm

Famous, and very well endowed, Country and Western singer Dolly Parton and HRH Queen Elizabeth II turn up at the gates of Heaven. The Angel Gabriel looks upon them and says . .

"Hi there both! I'm sorry to tell you this, but Heaven is almost choc-a-block full at the moment but, have no fear not all is lost, we do have room for one more. Who's it to be? Help me choose."

Dolly Parton states her case first, stepping forward and tearing open her blouse.

"Well," she says, "take a look at these beauties willya?". "These have gotta be two of the most beautiful breasts that you'll ever see and they're all God's own work. I'm sure he'd look upon it as a true privilege to spend eternity gazing upon such amazing works of art."

"Hmm! You state a very good case for yourself Dolly. I'm sure my boss would really appreciate such a joyous opportunity as the one you propose"

"Hold on a minute!" exclaims HRH, The Queen. "Just give me a moment if you please."

At this point Queenie (as she's known to her very best friends), reaches inside her royal blue 'The Queen' sash and to the amazement of Angel Gabriel and the dumb struck Ms Parton, pulls out a neatly cling-film -wrapped package of tuna sandwiches. Without further ado she gobbles up not one, not two, but all four sandwiches and rubs her belly with a sigh of bloated satisfaction.

"Aaaah! One is gratifyingly satisfied. Now then Gabey baby,", she says, "would you be so awfully kind as to permit me to make use of your ladies room for a minute or two?".

"No problem your majesty. Just go ahead. It's over there on the left. The gold portaloo. You can't miss it."

"Thanks Gabe. Be back in two ticks!", and off she hops.

A few discreet, but somewhat noisy, minutes later, and having just flushed away her, err, business, HRH emerges from the portaloo looking all too pleased and smug with herself.

"Well, what do you think then Gabey darling? Do I qualify for entry through the holy gates, or not? I don't know about you Gabeykins but, the way it looks to me, I'm a dead cert for admission through the pearly gates!"

Angel Gabriel pauses for a moment, apparently pondering on the situation.

"Hey come on!" exclaims Dolly incredulously, concerned at Angel Gabriel's unexpected hesitance. "You haven't done anything to prove you merit entry to Heaven more than me. Tell her Angel Gabriel ! Tell her please ! Her royal dimness is obviously completely deluded if she thinks his eminence would accept her over my delightful pair of bountiful goodies!"

Angel Gabriel shakes her head and shrugs at Dolly. "I'm so very sorry to disappoint you Dolly, but I'm afraid she's beaten you hands down. You see, you of all people should know, especially coming from the wild west and all that, that in all circumstances, and without exception, the rules state that ...............................

............. a Royal Flush will ALWAYS beat a Pair !!!".

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An Adventurer's strength flows from the Point'n'Click Force.But beware The Dark Side my friend.Anger,rage,aggression.The dark side of the gaming Force are they.Easily they flow,quick to join you in a fight.If once you start down the dark path of RPGs, Action-Adventures or . . eek! . . Casual Games (brrr!),forever will it dominate your destiny.Consume you it will,as it did Ethel,of whom we dare not speak for fear of instant expulsion from our true faith of Point'n'Click.
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hatshepsut
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Sat Sep 18, 2010 8:21 pm

Good one Gelert

hatshepsut

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StarLite Moon
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Mon Sep 20, 2010 10:09 pm

That was so funny, I needed a good laugh lol!
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AlienBZ
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Sun Sep 26, 2010 6:23 am

Gelert wrote:
........ a Royal Flush will ALWAYS beat a Pair !!!".[/color]

I get the joke, Gelert, but - with all due respect to you, can't you change it to say something nicer about how a "Royal Flush" will beat a "Pair"? After all, you're talking about Heaven (an extremely Holy place) here, and some people (especially non-members) who might accidentally wander into this thread may get offended. Perhaps then The Big Gaming Boss Opp Ag (my alien mom) of Kingdom Eternal would make you the CEP and Chairman of The Kingdom's live adventure gaming (as well as the Kingdom's computer games) organizations, and you, all the other Adventure Gamers here at AP and on the other sites and I will get unlimited transportation to and from all these adventure games extraordinaire in The Big Technical Genius's (my alien dad) private space/air shuttle from home?

Also - I doubt they have portaloos beyond these Holy Gates.

A joke can be nice and clean and still be funny.


**A Cloaked (as in Star Trek) Prudish Mind Stumbled Accidentally (while scouting for Gelert's Thread About His Trip Into The Land Of Werewolves Here At AP) Into This Thread - and Was Horrified!**
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Lady Kestrel
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Mon Sep 27, 2010 6:19 pm

AlienBZ,
If you read the subject line and are offended by something a little naughty, then why did you read further? I thought the joke was funny, too. Smile

If they don't have loos in heaven, then we're all in trouble!
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AlienBZ
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 12:27 am

Lady Kestrel wrote:


If they don't have loos in heaven, then we're all in trouble!

No need for them - we'll all have perfect bodies that won't have to "go". Our bodies will (in Heaven) just convert everything that we eat/drink into energy without any waste products of metabolism being produced - so no one will be in trouble without loos.
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hatshepsut
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:18 am

So in other words everyone in heaven is full of it

hatshepsut

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AlienBZ
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 2:21 am

hatshepsut wrote:
So in other words everyone in heaven is full of it

hatshepsut

You don't get my point - Heaven is a perfect environment, quite unlike the environment here (which is an imperfect environment). Heaven is in a very special place, no one knows exactly where, but it is a real place, much like our planet, solar system, moons, etc is real. In Heaven we'll have spirit bodies, and spirit bodies are like the angels' bodies, which produce no bodily waste nor will we have to take baths/showers nor brush our teeth, for in Heaven there is no decay, no waste, no one makes a mistake on their computers in Heaven, we'll never die, get hurt, nor ill.

Accidents never, ever take place in Heaven, there are no doctors/lawyers/police officers/fire fighters, etc because an accident is a product of a mistake/imperfect-ness. Also, instead of of helping someone fix a mistake on their computer that had caused a BSOD, for example, you may be helping someone install or run a computer game that came from another planet that was created by a different race of people because the game in question will have to be installed differently/run differently than conventional computer games; or instead of having to run your PC over to the repair shop (and having to pay big $$$!) to replace a blown PSU because you upgraded it with a graphics card that was too powerful for your current PSU, you might be adding on a peripheral to your computer that came from an different world (which would be !00 % free, no "catches", and it would be fully compatible with your conventional PC) much like you would add an extra room to your house, or instead of doing a series of upgrades on your current conventional PC, you could be building an new computer that, say, looks like a beach ball, or a trapezoid for example.

In other words, there's simply no need (to have to go to the loo) in Heaven.
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Gelert
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 8:22 am


Of course, you may be missing the point. If you read the 'joke' again, the portaloo is outside the pearly gates and, therefore, not, technically, in Heaven! Smile It's, if you like, in the waiting room. Smile

_________________
An Adventurer's strength flows from the Point'n'Click Force.But beware The Dark Side my friend.Anger,rage,aggression.The dark side of the gaming Force are they.Easily they flow,quick to join you in a fight.If once you start down the dark path of RPGs, Action-Adventures or . . eek! . . Casual Games (brrr!),forever will it dominate your destiny.Consume you it will,as it did Ethel,of whom we dare not speak for fear of instant expulsion from our true faith of Point'n'Click.
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Faust
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:58 pm

Funny , Gelert !!!


AlienBZ : How would you know what Heaven is like , unless you've actually been there ? Your description of what you perceive Heaven to be is nice , don't get me wrong , but until we reach Heaven , or more appropriately , when He deems us worthy , no one can say what Heaven is like for sure . Bottom line here , this was a joke, a story with a humorous climax . If you didn't get the joke, cool ,just say so , but there's no need to get your knickers in a twist !

Loved the joke Gelert !!
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Jen
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:36 pm

How can there be computers in heaven but not toilets? Toilets are perfect, computers are not
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Draclvr
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 4:37 pm

Gelert, this is the best one I've heard in a long time. With your indlulgence, I copied and pasted to an email and sent to several people. I actually laughed out loud!

Good grief, ABZ! Don't you understand the concept of a JOKE? Not everyone holds the same beliefs that you do, so if you don't care for the joke, just don't read it! The rest of us love it and If Gelert can't post a slightly naughty joke on his own website..... Sheesh. Gotta agree with Faust....

Oooo... good point, Jen!!
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StarLite Moon
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:30 pm

Well I'm an atheist who loves religious jokes and the raunchier the better. I agree with LadyK, once you see naughty in the title what are you reading it for. I hate people making decisions for me based on what THEY don't like.

It's like the watching shows on tv I like, and because someone else doesn't like it they want it off the air. You don't like something on the tv, change the bloody channel.

I don't care if someone wants to be religious and go to church, if that's what gets you through life, go for it. But I hate people pushing their religion on me because they think that because THEY believe in god everyone has to. And I don't want to get into some stupid discussion as to why I don't believe in god, believe me you don't want to go down that road.

I've been involved in every religion out there and to me it's all the same BS, and behind it all there's a big fat dollar sign. If you want to believe that's up to you, I don't try to persuade anyone against what they believe so don't try to persuade me. Sorry but that's just my two cents worth.

And in closing, I just want to say jolly good olde man, a Royal Flush is always hard to come by lol!
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Draclvr
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 5:57 pm

Well said, Starlite!!
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Faust
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PostSubject: Re: Prudish minds are excused ............ a little naughty!   Tue Sep 28, 2010 6:14 pm

Draclvr wrote:
Well said, Starlite!!

What you said !
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